Venting..From the Mind of Rae

I have found out what has been making me sick now for the last three weeks. Couple of my favorite supplements that are suppose to be vegan, are not. :( So After the last bout of nausea, and sour stomach and sitting on the toilet. I read the ingredients again. The probiotics, which are really good for the gut, are made out of dairy. Red flag. This company does not even give you a allergy warning on the label like the others if there are such things in them. So I e-mailed them all about it. I am waiting for a response. I feel better today. I wasn't yesterday. And I had to work. But I made it.
And lately again the support from home has not been the greatest here. :( I have not done anything as of lately. Since I have been sick, not knowing why till now. But there is a lack of support from home. I do not know how to survive this part. I had a training buddy for the last 3 years now I do not. it's hard to get through this. Now I feel like I am setting myself up to fail. No matter how much the drive is to do the Ironman, I can not get past this. :( It's like I hit the mental wall. And I can not get through. I am off today knowing damn well I need to go swim, do hills on the bike there and I can not get myself up to go.
Why not?? I really do not know why. I feel like I am being made to do something I just do not want to do{can't believe i said that} I can not find anything I want to wear in the races, wondering if I should be looking for a wetsuit? Or should I even bother? I haven't even signed up for this race season. And paying for the entire season is way cheaper than paying per race. Less than the Goofy for the whole season.
I as well have not dropped any more weight. I am going to set up a doctor's apt.{apt time 2/23 8a} I know as hard as I work, I should be weighing less, I am not. I have my diet under control, it's the rest. I plan on taking in my food journal workout journals, my supplements. Everything.


And work has not got back to me about the time off!!!! HOLY CATS!!!!! That is so stressful. Disney had tons of great deals on the rooms, and now I can not find any. I will need 2 rooms. My Mother is going to come this time. So the kids and the adults can have there own rooms.

And teen drama as at its all time high. I mean if you are not focus on the one kid, you will be and drained from all of this. I do not remember all this crap drama from when I was a teen. What the fruit??

Do all people training for this stuff go through this?? Or is it just me?{holding back the tears} Am I really going to cross that finish line?? IS my job going to come through the time off?? I wish my damn kid would behave. What is going on with E?? I am so worried. GET up and go swim! It's only water.
What the fruit is wrong with me??