Monday, May 17, 2010

The Ups And Downs..

This weekend was good. It had it's ups and downs for me.

Up: I was at Disney. I didn't get to go in the parks.{I was wanting to go} Just being there was great. I miss going, going to plan an nice trip to go.
UP:I was super excited to be apart of the Ironman. The atmosphere was awesome. Let me say, the way they did there packet pick up out shines the way Disney does it for their races. I thought I was going to be in line for hours and I wasn't maybe 10 minutes, in and out. =)
Down: I was kicking myself for not bringing my bike. {I stood in line crying}
My race number. Holy cats! This number meant I was suppose to race. {Again with the emotions}{bday and year}
Kicking self for not bringing bike

Then Natalie found a way in while I was in Packet pick up and she was telling me ,"it's ok Mom Next year is your Ironman."

So Now I have all my stuff and headed through the store part. I picked up a Ironman shirt. Just plain white and it says Ironman. And a pair of running shorts, that's says Ironman 70.3 Florida on the leg. Why did you gr t this?? Because now the reminder is in my face everyday for the next 365 days. Of why I must over come this swim BS.

Down: the shorts do not fit. I was again in tears. {reminder u gain weight in the last month}
Kicking self for not bringing bike.

I saw my coach at the expo. We got to speak to her and the kids met her. =)

Down: I work everyday this week during training sessions.
Kicking self for not bringing my bike.

The transition area for the bike was huge! When we came in, not so many bikes, when we left lots of bikes!

Ft. Wilderness is a pretty place. This was all held there, outside. Awesome. It was hot little windy, but it was manageable. I so wanted to be back in the morning to see the race. But everyone else did not. =(

I found out that Hector P. The other local here who does the races was in Ironman Florida. Hector is the man with no arms! I tracked him, he finished with a 7:59:40!!!!!! Congratulations to Hector, you are an Ironman, not a quitter.

Kicking self for not bringing my bike.

Oh yes, I have been fighting the blues over this now for a month. I have only been in the pool once since April. Why?? I do not know. I now have a DNF on my USAT record x2. Who tries to go to Kona on that?? That now seems to be so far away. plus the drama here. It doesn't help.
I have to renew my USAT this month, crazy as it sounds, I don't care if I do. Yep that's how I feel.

How do I stop this?? As much as I want to keep moving forward and do this for me, I just can't get moving. I feel like I am missing out and I do not care if I Do.

So knowing I am not sure how I will get to the next duathlon, I signed up anyway. Maybe I need to get back out there and fight this off. Even if I came in last, at least I finished? Which is next Sunday, in N. Palm Beach, meaning we would have to go up Saturday and spend the night. To get there I need a car. The rental goes back the day before the race.{on my Anniversary}

Kicking my self for not taking my bike!!!!!


Richard said...

You can stop kicking yourself for not bringing your bike, to have attempted the race without the all of the training would have not gone well.

That said, many would not have been strong enough to go through with going to the event knowing they were not doing it. You now have a better idea of what you can expect next year when you go out on that course. Don't you wish you could just bottle up that atmosphere and save it?

I will look forward to your race report when you complete that future race.

Rae! said...

Well that's not the only reason. I could have went on a 30 mile bike ride Sunday morning.

I wasn't thinking.

Richard said...

Fair enough, next you won't be worried about it though because you will be bringing it.

Amanda said...

Stop beating yourself up. You're going to get to that race next year and you're going to kick some booty!

I know how you're feeling - like you want to do more, but you can't or just don't want to. I wish I could give you a fix for that, but I haven't found it for myself yet.

All I can tell you is to remember all you've accomplished to this point and remember how it felt to cross the finish line. Then envision yourself finishing your goal races and how good it will feel.

I know you have it in you...You just have to believe it again and try to get your focus back. Remember you can't take care of everyone else if you don't take care of yourself.