It Isn't Pretty

As of lately FJ{my son} has been having alot of really hard times. It really started in Jan. this year when he finally got to meet up with his Biological father who the kids have not seen in 10 years. While we were up for Marathon weekend we all were preoccupied with this going on. And this was part of the reason why we missed the meets and gatherings.

And the girlfriend was giving FJ a hard time, after her coming back from her vacation. So this caused alot of drama. Specially when FJ does not comprehend things as you or I do. Fj looks totally fine, but he is not on the inside. Mental illness. And comprehension level of 10-12 years old. Adhd, manic depressive with psychosis. {yes I have my hands full with him}{I am being butt ugly truthful here}

Nov.08 FJ was in an altercation. I am at a lost what to do, I thought he needed to learn a life lesson that you can not go around treating people the way he does, and violence isn't the answer. So I had him charged. Dec.08 the court house closed down for a water main broke and flooded records and stuff, so this was dragged out. Then he was tested to see if he was competent to understand what was going on. And three different times he was found not to be. So finally this year, one of the doctors found him to be. I was surprised to hear him answer all the questions the way he did as well. So here we are,community service hours almost done, anger management almost done.Spring break is coming up and FJ is getting excited cause he's going to spend a week with his Bio. father. 3 days before spring break he is sitting on the couch complaining her can't go cause of the adult issues going on with bio. father and his girlfriends family. And they didn't want FJ coming and the drama they were dealing with they didn't want him to deal with. BUT FJ does not see it this way. FJ sees it as he is being rejected and ignored and now he is going into a manic low.Let me tell you that is no fun. So his sister calls the Bio father and she is raising hell, and this causes alot of drama but it all was the truth except for them putting the bio. father girlfriend in the middle. Again this is how they see it.

And the now FJ's ex girlfriend is and has been pushing his buttons. Fj stopped taking his meds, walking around with a huge chip on his shoulder.
All the long nights of him not understanding what she was and is doing and FJ taking it out on us.

Last Friday, I am off of work. I get a phone call. I could not get to the phone fast enough. I didn't think nothing of it right away. I listened to the message. It was FJ's school calling. He got into an altercation with another student who has been a problem for over 2 years now,but the ex girlfriend used this kid to get FJ angry. It worked. They told me they got him to calm down and redirect. Then all the sudden FJ started to pound on his own has, screaming and yelling how he is going to kill himself,when he gets home today.{in great detail} FJ never made it home. He was baker acted. We did not get to see him till 8p that night in the hospital. He look terrible. And he just asked us to keep talking to drown out the voice in his head telling him to kill himself.

Today he is in a hospital. In no shape to come home. I had to take today off to go get his school work, take this form to his Doctor to fill out so I can have days off on days I work so it won't count against me. The Doctor can't fill it out till tomorrow when he is in office and the office staff is telling me it can't be filled out till next week. HOLY CATS!!! I need it now. I have had this job for 6 years. My longest job ever.Yes longest ever when you have a child with special needs there isn't many people to advocate for them and I have been through many jobs cause of that.
So the doctor is talking of a long term facility to get him real stable so he knows what it feel like to be stable. It is in the hands of my insurance company right now. Scary thought. If I remember right they will only cover 28 days for mental illness inpatient. Doctor is talking 90 days! We will see. I guess I will be going into debt to get him the help he needs.

I am stressed out to the max, I have my job to worry about too. So I try to keep running. That's all I can do.

FJ wants to go into the Army I don't think they will take him. And I know he will go into a depression again. Oh yeah we have to deal with the fact he is in violation of probation. He will not survive 21 days in JDC. To me it seems that bio father is not taking me serious about this. Either he has to step and be in his life or step out. The kid can't handle being left out on a balancing act.

It has been so quiet here in our home. There is a calm here. Never felt that in our home.

So right now I am running and riding my bike. Got to get back to work. Maybe I will go to my Doctor and get her to get me some time off. I don't know yet.

So there it is. It isn't pretty.

Just keep running...