Today's race day. Could not have ask for better weather. Calm winds, cool not cold. 72.9 temp for the water.
Got there early enough to set up in transition without having to rush was really nice. The wee one went to go volunteer. She was at the finish line, and she was excited about that because she was going to see me cross the finish line and give me my water.
My cap was green. I had to wear my cap to wear the green one. It was a rubber cap. SO I had my goggles around my neck so they wouldn't be on the cap then the next thing you know my face swells up. I got in the water like you are suppose to before a race. It was chilly. I didn't wear my wet suit since I would have been the only one wearing one. Once the body adjusted to the water temp it was nice.
It's race time. Each group went off without a glitch. The elite pro guy was out of the water in 15 minutes! Orange caps were in front of mine. Then I hear my name being called. I look back and it was Louis telling not to forget to breathe. :) Then they called green caps to line up. We did. Crossed the mats so the chips would check in. 90 seconds. I am fumbling with my garmin the stop watch didn't want to start. So I fumbled with it some more. 10 seconds, I just left it alone walked up behind a couple ladies and he said go we went. I tried to set my garmin one last time and it just wouldn't go. I got in the water and started. I made 2 strokes and then all the sudden shear terror and panic came over me. I tried to plant my feet on the ground and I was already far enough out I could not touch and then I just freak out. I couldn't catch my breath the buoy looked real far away and I couldn't see the life guards. I turned over on to my back and headed back to shore.
E came the the shore side and saw I was panicking. They tried to get me to go back in the water. I couldn't I was shaking and I was scared. E gave me my shoes and I started to cry. My fear of the water took over and won. We walked to the car I put on a dry shirt, and grab my towel and we headed over to transition and the food area. There's Nat in her Team Voice shirt. "Mommy I saw you get in the water, I didn't see you get out"Then she hugged me. "Mom, you tried. You tried to over come it, and that's ok next time" She made me cry . When did she get so smart?
So for the rest of the race we stayed with Nat and I rang the cow bell while she and this other guy gave out water.
SO it was like I forgot how to do anything. All those hours of drills in the pool, and just swimming back and forth. Just went out the window. :( I don't quit that easy. But there is no way in hell I will be able to swim the 1.2 miles, if I can't even do a 1/4 mile. :( So yes I am quitting the Half Ironman in Orlando. As much as it pains me to say that but after this morning I am not ready.
I am going to have to go back to the basics and get swim lessons. Or go with the couple of friends I did make and go off and do more open water swimming. I mean really, I snorkel in the ocean with sharks and stuff. Never had that problem.
The only difference was I had on a full face mask. Well I have already started thinking about going and getting a new mask, and getting swim lessons. I want to do this really bad. I want to over come this.
So Ironman is going to have to wait another year or 2. I am not quitting, I am going to conquer this fear and do it. I know what to do, and I know what I have to do to get through it.
So the next 2 May Races I will be duathlon, and doing the Olympic sprint,and the sprint.
With that Happy Easter!
4 comments:
Rae, your experience isn't all that unique. There's certainly no shame in trying to do something and failing at it. You were already handicapped by not being fully healthy.
As I tweeted to you, it has happened to many before you. I have seen many panic (and I came close to it during my first open water swim--which was also my first Olympic distance swim. A friend of mine panicked and quit her first triathlon during a pool swim. She stuck with things, overcame those fears, and last year did a full IM in 12:37!
It's okay Rae. First off - give yourself a break...You've been sick this week and I am sure that did not help you one bit.
Take your time and you'll get there. Find a masters swimming club or a swimming coach and get the pointers you need to get through this.
Sounds like more than physical though. Maybe you should try talking to a sports psychologist - they have helped many pro athletes get through things like this.
I have no doubt that you'll make it through an Ironman. You don't have to give up on your dream just because of today. You can do anything. Just give yourself the time you need and you'll get there.
Try to let this go and enjoy your Easter!
"I am not quitting, I am going to conquer this fear and do it."
That statement comes from the heart of some one I am very proud of. Kudos to you for the drive and desire you continue to carry. Rae I have no doubt that you will return and conquer this. For whatever reason, today was just not your day and although you panicked you can learn from the experience and focus on what it will take to boost your confidence when you return.
A swimming group that does open water swims sounds like a good plan.
You'll get there.
Everyone has their bad stretches during training along with the occasional bad run. It really sucks when the bad run (or swim) happens on race day. Glad to hear you're still wanting to press forward though. Keep the dream alive.
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